When I was a nail tech I had a client come in with her hand bandaged up. She’d been to the hospital. She told me she’d seen this big “interestingly prehistoric” bird in her backyard just sitting on her picnic table so she went outside, walked right up to it, and tried to feed it some lettuce. Turned out the thing was a Great Blue Heron and it nearly took her hand off.
Yes, her freaking hand. By the way, herons look like this
Nice, huh? Well my nail client was understandably upset about it and angry at the bird, but I couldn’t feel all that bad for her because I mean, c’mon. You see this giant bird and you try to feed it? I’m not a fan of big birds anyway, I prefer chickadees and robins over giant birds. I got dive bombed by a pair of osprey once when I was walking my dogs through a marsh in Sandwich and I actually had to run for my life. I was running in my LL Bean Wellies (it was a marsh after all) screaming my head off, my dogs were barking, the birds were out for blood…Oh it was a scene, man. What’s an osprey you ask? Think giant eagles on crystal meth.
Yeah yeah yeah, they were defending their nest. But I say hey, nobody said raising kids is easy. Don’t take your bird rage out on me. I’ve never met an osprey I liked. I wouldn’t have gone near their nest even if I was in an Army tank.
So when I saw the news about the latest discovery by scientists that they believe they’ve discovered the true color of this hideous dinosaur bird, Anchiornis huxleyi, I took one look and shuddered from the mental image in my head of my client trying to feed it lettuce.
Oh, how I’ve missed your stories! I’m not much of a bird fan either. Love to watch them on the other side of the window and listen to my cats click away wishing they could chase them. LOL.
Hi Claire! I really miss blogging. I’ve just been so busy. I”m really hoping to get back to it. Thanks for still reading me! I appreciate it. ♥
Hey Wendy! Wicked awesome post. I wonder when the National Geographic illustrators discovered the LSD. That creature belongs either in the photo of Buck, Stella, and the sasquatch, or on that sign above the gate of Hell “Abandon Hope Ye Who Enter Here”. Or is that the sign over the door at Arby’s?
Whatever. Glad to read a new post here! I bet Merrill Markoe is glad too. She nearly died of loneliness. 🙂
Hey David! That birdasaur really does look like it should be at the entrance to Hell. Maybe in lieu of profit sharing the National Geographic is giving out LSD…seems like that would really appeal to all those those Wade Davis types.
And yeah, I figured I better write something and bump Merrill Markoe off the page in case she Googles herself and starts wondering about me. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more, オテモニャン! But I don’t think I’d have anything to do with the sex part. Feathers are itchy.
On the other hand, I do remember seeing Giant Eagles On Crystal Meth open for The Archbishop’s Enema Fetish at The Metro.
OMG I wish I’d been there for THAT.
Osprey are gangsters.
It’s great to see a new post from you. How I’ve missed your humor! Hope all is well in Wendy&Bucklandia.
Hi C! Yeah, all is well here. Hope everything’s great with you!
Are there even any birds that actually eat lettuce? Was she a bit of tard? 😛 Long time to read, Wendy. Welcome back. 😉
Hi Peter! I don’t know why she was giving it lettuce. I think she had no idea what she was doing because if she had, she wouldn’t have approached one of those things in the first place. I mean, look at it! 🙂